Reconnecting
by DazedConfused
Summary: Set in season 7 inaround the episode'The killer in me', Willow is tired of Kennedy's advances and whilst alone in the house has a long talk with Xander.


**Title: **Reconnecting

**Author: **DazedConfused

**Rating: **T (13+)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy do.

**Feedback:** Yes please, review or email me.

**Summary:** This is set in Season seven, around/within the 'The Killer in me'; Willow is feeling uncomfortable with Kennedy's advances and talks with Xander about her feelings, and the pair being to talk about their relationship and old feelings. There isn't much structure and I realize that Spike was chained in the basement in the episode but I decided to let it go because I had some lines I wanted to exchange between him and Xander. Also there is no Amy and no Willow turning into Warren. I just wanted to have Willow and Xander alone in the house so they could talk.

**Spoilers:** Set in Season seven and references to past seasons.

**Notes:** First off what I'm about to say might annoy some people but tough. When Tara was killed a lot people said it was because she was gay, that Joss killed her because she was gay – what a load of rubbish. That's like saying Anya died because she was straight. Tara got killed because of the plot it had nothing to do with her sexual preference and if Joss was so anti gay why have gay characters in the first place? Then groups mounted a war against Joss and to pacify them in Season seven Willow for the first time says she's gay and they sling her into a relationship with Kennedy. I don't care about a person's sexual preference or their race, I like to look deeper then that. I've read and heard gay people over the years say how they don't want to be seen as just gay but seen firstly as a person (and rightly so) but suddenly Tara stopped being a kind, loving, brave and sensitive soul and just became a lesbian killed off on TV and surely that defeated all of the good things that grew from having a lesbian couple on a primetime show. I would also like to add that I loved Tara's character and thought that her and Willow's relationship was true love. Also this has nothing to do with the actress who played Kennedy, I've met her at a Convention and she is really nice and funny. In my mind Willow was not gay or straight, she fell in love with people's souls regardless of their sex, which is the idea that I explore in this fic. There are also ten lines between Kennedy and Willow that were in the script that I've got in my fic, I just wanted to add that so you know I won't get sued or anything.

**

* * *

Reconnecting. **

Willow walked into the living room and found Xander hammering a nail into a board covering the front window for what seemed like the hundredth time. Xander felt some one behind him and turned to see who it was and on seeing Willow his face broke into a huge smile, as always it was so effortless with her.

"I say we just forget about windows and just brick them all up, it would save _so_ much time". He said as he turned back to the window and gave the nail a last hard tap with the hammer.

"Yeah because who needs that pesky sunlight" Willow said flippantly.

"Myself, I think it's overrated" Xander fired back packing away his tools in his box.

"Sunlight, air…who needs it"

"Exactly" Xander said his straight face cracking as he beamed at her; Willow dropped her act too and smiled over at her friend. Suddenly and un-expectantly even to herself she walked over to Xander and gave him a hug. Xander was lost for a moment he hadn't had a hug from Willow like this one in a long time, after a brief pause he returned the hug and the two stayed that way for a few more seconds before pulling away.

"What's up?" He asked concerned

"Nothing" Willow shrugged and smiled up at him, both of their hands had fallen down and hung between them, neither aware that they were holding hands. "I guess I just needed a hug"

"Well you know me I'm always available for hugs, your sure your alright?"

"You mean do I feel like going on a rampage and ending the world" Willow looked up at the ceiling with her eyes and appeared to be thinking this over, "No not today". She gave a mischievous smile.

"Well just checking because you know if you do decide to give the Earth a remodel it would be nice to have a heads up, that way I can make plans.

"Can do. Well I leave you to your fixin' Mr. Fix it." She said turning and walking to the stairs.

"Mr. Fix it, sounds like a superhero do I have a cape and a magic tool?" Xander called after her as she climbed the stairs he heard her giggle in response.

"You're the only tool around here," Spike said leading against the kitchen doorway.

Xander picked up a piece of discarded wood and held it up towards Spike. "Look Spike your arch-nemesis

"Hardy, bloody Ha" Spike said as he moved away from the doorway and moved closer to Xander. "So what was that I spied with you and Red? Are you two playing kissy-kissy?" Spike leered as Xander picked up his toolbox.

"Spike me and Willow are friends, but the fact that she's into women is another big reason" Xander replied ready to head off to the kitchen.

"So she's likes girls, your not that far removed she probably won't notice!" Spike walked around Xander and threw himself down on to the sofa.

"I'm getting hassled by _you_!" He asked incredulously "The man who gave his balls away to Drusilla a few centuries ago and who's now basically stalking Buffy!" Xander laughed through his short tirade and then shaking his head left the room before Spike could reply.

"Yeah well, Sod you!" Spike said to the empty room, glad no one had heard because it wasn't one of his wittier comebacks.

* * *

Upstairs Willow was laid propped up by pillows on her bed re-reading a spell book the coven had given her back in England. She had been forgetting what silence was, and to be by herself in her own room was refreshingly peaceful. Tonight with the other girls gone into the desert it would be perfect for her to have some alone time. As Willow's mind began to wander from her book she found herself staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Kennedy. She liked Kennedy the two were getting on well enough but Kennedy's behaviour was getting slightly annoying. From day one of entering the house Kennedy had been coming on to her, flirting with her every chance she got. Just then Kennedy walked into the room and laid down on the bed next to Willow, Kennedy laid on her side and pulled her legs up into the foetal position. 

"Hey Giles and the others have already left. Are you alright Kennedy?" Willow asked closing her book and placing it on the bed.

"I'm not feeling very well so Giles said I could stay behind" Willow felt bad for her early thoughts whether they were true or not.

"I know I'll get you some tea, that always helps me" Willow told Kennedy getting up from the bed and patting Kennedy reassuringly but not affectionately on the shoulder before heading downstairs.

* * *

Willow headed up the stairs with the tea for Kennedy in her hand; she opened the door and found Kennedy putting on her boots 

"Hey, I figured the best thing for a cold is a nice hot cup of...boots?" Willow said her smile turning into a frown.

"Hey"

"For someone who's sick, you look surprisingly robust and casual dressy." Willow replied looking over Kennedy.

"Well, the lighting in here is good. Maybe it's just…"

"You were never sick!" Willow interrupted her shocked.

"No…I was never sick." Kennedy said

"Oh, you are so busted. Xander's gonna have to drive you to the desert and…"

"Willow, chill." Kennedy told her as she stood up. "There's a reason I didn't go. I have a thing. A separate thing."

"What?" Willow asked suspiciously but a little bit curious.

Kennedy put on her coat as she talked "Something's coming down. I have my own mission. And I need you tohelp."

* * *

Xander sprawled on the couch with a bag of chips on his knee watching the TV with the sound off. He was watching Dick Van Dyke in Diagnosis Murder, the bad guy was being held by two cops whilst Dr. Sloan told everyone how the murder was committed. The bad guy's mouth opened as he shouted something at Dr. Sloan, Xander donned a deep voice and said "and I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you pesky kids". Dr. Sloan's son Steve said something to the group and Xander added "Scooby, Scooby Doo" in perfect imitation of the animation hound. 

The front door burst open and a stony faced Kennedy stormed in and up the stairs; she was followed by a worn-out looking Willow. Xander flicked off the TV and sat up right on the couch as Willow came into the den and sat down next to him.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Kennedy took me on a 'mission'" Willow said helping herself to a few chips from the bag on Xander's knee.

"What kind of mission?" Asked Xander wondering why no one had told him anything about a mission and feeling slightly pissed about being overlooked.

"The get into my panties kind of mission" Willow answered before eating a chip.

Xander blushed and Willow was unsure if she should go on.

"Oh…well" It was rare for Xander to be at lost for words, actually he could think of plenty of words but he didn't know which he should use.

"Sorry is this to weird?" Willow asked.

"Talking about your panties, never" replied Xander, and like that any awkwardness that had been there disappeared into the night. Once again they were just two friends, laughing with each other.

They both sat their giggling at what Xander had said sharing the bag of chips. When the laughter had past Willow began to feel down again, she leaned back her head, resting it on the back of the couch.

"Love is like a mean Chihuahua and my heart is its chew toy"

"Why a Chihuahua?"

"Those little suckers are cute one minute and biting off your heels the next" Willow said sounding disgruntled and looking like a sullen child.

"Come here" Smiling Xander moved further up the couch so he was sat right by his friend and wrapping an arm around her, pulled her close and gave her a squeeze.

"So I take it things didn't go well between you and Kennedy" He asked still holding her close.

"That would be a understatement." Willow's head was resting on Xander's shoulder, it made her feel peaceful and she felt the frustration she had towards Kennedy ebb out of her. Willow lifted her head and pulled away so the two where sat side by side.

"From the moment Kennedy walked into the house she's been hitting on me. It's been flattering but…" Willow said trying to keep her voice low in case anyone, especially Kennedy was over listening.

"But?" Xander prompted her.

"I don't think I come off gay do I? I don't hit on women, stare at breast, have a buzz cut or wear plaid. She couldn't tell if I was into woman or not and yet she's always been all over me…I could have never been with a woman before for all she knew. Tonight she finally came right out and asked me if I wanted a relationship with her."

"And what did you say?"

"The truth she's just not right for me, there's no chemistry. Kennedy's all bossy and has a giant ego; I just don't find her attractive. I mean she's hot but not attractive to me on the whole".

"There's plenty more lesbians in the sea". Xander said, he was feeling a mix of emotions. Glad that she wasn't dating Kennedy because he didn't think they would have been right for each other and sad that she didn't have anyone, he wanted his friend to be happy.

"That's another thing I'm not gay" Willow announced, Xander had been reaching for another chip but let his hand stop as he digested this new piece of information.

"You mean your not happy gay? Because I think it's a bit late to go back into the closet Will."

"At the club with Kennedy, I explained to her the same thing I'm going to tell you. Whenever I've fallen in love with some one it's always because of their personality, and that feeling you get deep down when you know that a person is right for you. With Oz, Tara…with you even, it was never about what sex you were it was just because it felt right like we fitted. With Kennedy I just don't get that feeling. I don't know if I'm straight, gay, bisexual, all I know is that to me the gender part doesn't matter it's just if I fit with them or not."

"Willow I'm honoured that you would count me with Oz and Tara, I know how much they both meant to you. Way back when in High School I guess apart of me knew you liked me but I just acted like a jerk, following Buffy around like a love sick puppy and then there was Cordy. I treated you so bad at times, I can't even think about it without wanting to kick my own ass."

"You weren't that bad, plus teenage hormones and everything, in High School pretty much everyone is self involved."

"Do you ever wonder…?" Xander paused his curiosity halted by fear.

"About why superheroes have a thing about spandex, why Donald Duck wears a shirt but never a pair of trousers? Why…"

"Hey" Xander interrupted Willow before she could go on, but in the back of his mind he couldn't help but ponder what was up with that Duck.

"Sorry, so you were saying?" She prompted him.

"About us, do you ever wonder about us?" He was nervous and with his free left hand he began to fiddle about with the remote control for the TV. "Back in High School, one minute we're kissing the next Cordy's in hospital and then your trying to fix things with Oz, with everything moving so fast we never got the chance to really talk about it. We kind of both felt guilty and mutually we went and behaved if nothing had happen and we were just friends again. Even during all the time we were kissing or trying not to we never really talked about it properly, we just thought it was wrong."

"I think about it a lot, I wonder about if we never got caught that night Spike had taken us...alone on that bed, what if Cordy and Oz never walked in on us. I loved Oz, a part of me still does and I felt so bad and guilty. Plus what we had, I didn't even know what it was." Willow dropped her gaze from Xander's; she felt her cheeks blush but bravely continued on. "I mean was it just lust between us or because we were friends and seeing other people was it the whole forbidden fruit thing, when we got caught I just pushed all other thoughts away and focused on Oz."

"I guess I was the same with Cordy. Maybe I shouldn't say anything and just let it stay in the past but you should know that for me it was more then just lust. We both had people we cared about and didn't want to hurt, if it was just teenage lust I'd like to think we would have fought it harder then that." Xander said thinking back to High School and how if he wasn't thinking about girls then he was thinking about being killed, fun times he mused. "For me it was like I was seeing you in a whole new light. You was Willow my best friend but at the same time so much more. Every time we kissed I fell in love you with you a little bit more. Being next to you or just brushing my hand against yours was so intense, but at the same time it was sad because I guess I never thought you would pick me over Oz." He couldn't believe that they were both finally talking about their brief affair, it seemed so long ago now and so much had happen since then and now that he felt brave enough to open up.

"You never said anything." Willow said in a soft voice.

"Neither did you" Xander wasn't accusing her he was being honest; they had never talked openly while it was all happening.

"For me it was like a dream, I had been in love with you for so long and then finally you seemed to be feeling the same way. I'm sorry that I never talked to you about it; I thought that whatever we had was wrong. I guess it's because we had been friends for years and suddenly we were making out and we were both going out with other people so we both thought of us together as an item was wrong, we never gave it a chance because we were so busy feeling guilty that we couldn't think that maybe us together could have worked. And then I saw how sad you were about Cordy…how devastated Oz was; I was a guilt-ridden mess. I didn't think about me or what I deserved or wanted, I just pushed you away and tried to make things up to Oz." Willow felt suddenly a lot stronger inside, she had grown into a woman and looking over at Xander she saw a man. They had been a pair of goofy kids once, unable to express their emotions. It felt good to say the things she had wanted to back then but felt to shy and nervous to.

"And before we knew it life was moving on and carrying us forward and we never talked about us or what happened because it just got pushed to the back." Xander said smiling over at Willow wondering deep inside 'what if?'

"You're my best friend you know that, if we had broken up with Oz and Cordy and tried to be together it might have failed and then we wouldn't be sat here now." Willow told him shifting in her seat so her body faced his, Xander did the same.

"Your right I am your best friend Will, and I would never do anything to hurt you. No matter what ever happens in this life Willow Rosenburg I can guarantee that I will always be there for you."

Willow smiled and her eyes filled up with tears, she reached over and gave Xander a big hug. They sat there embracing and Willow pulled back slightly and went to give him a kiss on the cheek, as her lips was nearing his cheek Xander moved his head slightly and met her lips with his own. Willow was startled and didn't move, Xander slowly pushed his lips a little harder against Willows and parted his mouth slightly. Willows mind was running with all the consequences that could come about from the kiss, she felt overwhelmed. But she opened her mouth and kissed him back, out of nowhere the pair seemed to let out years of pent up feelings for the other and let it out in that kiss.

As the kissing gradually slowed down to a softer pace they finally pulled apart and stared at each other, Xander looked at Willow like he never seen someone so beautiful before, looking over her face adoringly and tiring to imprint how she looked at that very moment into his mind.

Willow pulled further back until she was on her side of the sofa; the kiss had felt strange and different but not wrong. She wondered what Xander was thinking but she only had to look at his face to see that he was as dazed as her.

"So how you doing over there?" Xander asked, trying to think straight but unable to. All he wanted was to be close to her.

"Okay a little startled, Xander what are we doing?" She asked trying not to freak out.

"Making out" He laughed to himself but stopped when he saw Willow looking distraught. He shuffled closer to her so that they where sat side by side and he put an arm around her shoulder. "Hey Willow, I'm sorry that I kissed you. I just didn't wanna wake up five years from now wondering what if?"

"I'm not angry, it's just it's confusing, you're the first guy I've kissed in years, you're you and on top of all it…it doesn't feel wrong." Willow lifted her face up and looked at his. Xander leaned his face to hers and they kissed softly on the lips pulled back and looked at each other, their faces the picture of contentment.

"I need to take things slow Xander, I know that with impending end of the world slaughter coming soon I should learn to be impulsive but I want this to go right. I don't want to rush us."

"That's ok, I'm happy just being near you."

They looked at each other both feeling overwhelmed by what just happen, but looking at each other they felt reassured that what ever the future brought, death, fighting vampires, a relationship they would be just fine because they would be together.

"So you wanna watch TV with me?" Xander asked, unable to hide his gigantic smile of happiness from her.

"Sure what's on?"

"A Diagnosis Murder marathon"

"Okay but only if I can do the voice for Daphne and Velma" Willow said as they both turned to face the TV, Xander with his arm draped around her, she leaned in and rested her head on his chest as she watched the screen.

"Of course, look, there just about to going nosing around someone's abandon house."

"Those darn meddling kids"

"Hey Willow" Xander said looking down at he face.

"Yeah" She asked moving her head slightly and looking up at him.

"I love you"

Willow smiled and wrapped her right arm around his waist "I love you to Xander".

This wasn't going fast, they had loved each other since the day they met.

**THE END**


End file.
